love me like a dog you won’t keep

Everything I do is a defense, to guard myself, to keep my walls up. I am a violent dog. I will bite. That is all I know. I remember everything. 
I remember everything that has ever happened to me: every word, every interaction, and every single choice. It never flees my mind. I rewrite it over and over again and deceive my mind into delirium at the realization that I cannot change it. It is absolute, I am absolute.
I preserve it in my mind during every present moment so I do not repeat my idiocy. The thoughts cascade in my head and down my throat, composing the familiar lump that leaves me mute. If I speak, then I will remember, and if I remember, then I will never stop biting and barking.